you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
