I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Pants are for mortals
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
