I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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