I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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