I wish I only lived at night.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
