I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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