what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
