Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
