Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
