Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
