i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
