I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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