i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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