whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
