her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
