So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
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Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
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After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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