fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
