She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
