I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
