meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
