6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
