i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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