I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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