I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
