I wanna bring you to show and tell
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
