umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
