We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
