What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
