Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
