Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
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And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
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Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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