so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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