Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
