Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
