Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
do herpes really smell.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
