thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Sorry about my life...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
