Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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