dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
