Did you just see the Batmobile???
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
