I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Even my vagina gasped.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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