Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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