I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
