We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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