I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
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I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
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i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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