Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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