Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
