Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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