She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
