I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
