I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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