fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
