and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
