If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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