you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
