I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize