i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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