...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
