so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
