So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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