I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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