As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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