I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
