gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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