you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Someone signed my nipple.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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