dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
